Spotted: Of Big Cherries and not so tiny Changes
I´m not the first.
And I won't be the last.
It´s a feeling that's slowly growing but silently staying under the radar.
Always there but never the center of attention.
Until it explodes like a firework, painting the sky in vibrant colors.
It is the kind of human aspiration, that tingles inside your stomach, hundreds of butterflies flapping their wings. I guess Cindy Lauper has been telling us all along, although sometimes our true Colours stay hidden in the shadows of our social masquerades. This time however, they uncompromisingly burst out into a spectacle in the sky.
For the first time you break out of everyday life and get a sudden craving for something out of the ordinary. A healthy mixture of boredom, profanity and curiosity:
Wanderlust.
My whole life I knew I wouldn't stay at one place for the rest of it.
I´d always felt the urge to venture out into unknown waters. Maybe it was the first taste of Sushi or the first time overseas, but the unfamiliar never seemed strange to me. Growing up with the world at my feet made me aware of my place in it.
There's something about not knowing where to go, seeing what you've never seen before and tasting what never finds its way onto the plate in front of you, until it does.
We all need a break from life every once in a while to find our purpose. Otherwise we get stuck in the endless carousel of our little worlds, circling around the axis of our customs. Adventures make life interesting, at least for me.
But adventures evidently ask for a lot of courage. Humans like routines, structure and rules, although not everyone likes to admit it. To break out of habits is a step a lot of us won't take. There's always a convenient excuse. It doesn't matter if it is the full-time job, the degree or the cat. Lying to oneself is far worse than ignorantly staying seated in the carousel.
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
H e n r y D . T h o r e a u , W a l d e n
Taking that courage and giving in to our Wanderlust for a second, we arrive nonetheless at a state of insecurity and instability. In the end, no one appreciates feeling unsafe. And most of us would rather go to an all-inclusive resort, than a remote village in Thailand for their adventure of the year.
But Christ, you know it ain`t easy. You know how hard it can be.
T h e B a l l a d o f J o h n a n d Y o k o
School gave me structure. School gave me goals and time frames to achieve them. Now, there's no school anymore. I've reached the goal I was given.
You always get told what you need to do in order to graduate, but no-one has a real answer for the time after your grad-ball and all the superficial festivities. Just pressuring instructions again.
Go do something with your life / Study something useful /
Don't be lazy
And while you're listening to the tape about your supposed future,
your head is elsewhere.
Maybe on a trip through Europe, work and travel through New Zealand or at home with your friends.
I´m still trying to figure out where I'm headed, what my life is going to look like. There are no guaranties for my dreams today, because I can't vouch for tomorrow . I don't know what lies ahead of me, but not knowing is the point, right?
The night I turned eighteen was a turning point.
Surrounded by the street names of tomorrow, I celebrated the happiness of the present with friends from the past.
The moment my birthday cake was brought in by my mom, lighting up the dark room, I realised my next goal, the next destination:
Going somewhere I've been to before but still don't know as well as my hometown. Going alone but never truly being it.
For the first time I saw how everything is connected and yet apart.
The big apple on my cake was at the same time a big cherry and the step towards my family is the same step into the plane.
Big Changes are tiny changes until you decide the extent.
In the end we control the carousels of our life. Just like everything can be positive instead of negative, depending on the perspective you choose. It is our decision and this time it is mine.
We can go and we can stay. This time I'm choosing to go, but never being gone for good. I want to wander the world, step out of everyday life, be wild instead of moderate. Thoreau would be proud.
I´m not the first to leave the trusted places of my hometown.
Not the first to start an adventure bigger than anything before and yet just like it.
Not the first to feel worry and courage at once.
Not the first to go to New York City.
And I definitely won't be the last.
D a t e o f D e p a r t u r e : 1 5 . S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 9
